Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
