you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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