what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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