Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i drank out of a bidet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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