wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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