ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
