yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
