carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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