The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
worst night to have a conscience
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
