Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
