what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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