The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
