I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
