I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
