Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
