Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize