I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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