I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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