She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm getting married
To pizza
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
