Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
