Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
