On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize