someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
