She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
