he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
