The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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