i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's get the cat blown out
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
