She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and she was petting her beer can
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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