I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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