so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
