At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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