their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I want to have your abortion
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
