we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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