all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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