My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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