i was born a porn star she said
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize