hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
