your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
