he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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