We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
