I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
as a side note pls kill me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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