I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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