We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
