did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
