Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
