I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
