I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
