who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
