I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i came on her dog
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
