She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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