So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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