i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
