All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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