You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
