Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
