You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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