ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
