Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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