I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
