I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
