The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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