All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
