Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize