he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
