Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
