Buhtt sex?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
