hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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