On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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