i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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