Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it's not cheating when I paid for it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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