There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
