He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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