Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
