I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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