Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
