I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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