I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
