You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize