Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
