Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
