woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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