where am i from again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
