the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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