3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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