forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize