Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize