Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
