It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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