just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
