Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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