hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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