garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
