two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
