atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
