Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize