Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
