i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
