Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
