Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
