You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
