my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize