he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
