maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
