Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
