Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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