We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize