The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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