Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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