Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize