I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
